Monthly Archives: March 2013


I am: 24 weeks. 6 months!

You are: about a foot long or the size of an ear of corn.

I feel: finally better over all. Back to being able to occasionally accomplishing things. I still have days when I’m totally exhausted or light headed and I get bad headaches but its not every day all the time.

I crave: banana bread. Last night I dreamt about hot subs and fried chicken.

Your dad: is still working every waking minute to try to get everything ready for you. Last night he said the bigger my tummy gets the more it hits him that you’re really coming!

Looking forward to: getting carpet in your room next week so we can start moving things in. Then we need to make a trip to IKEA and start decorating!


Brave and powerful

“Someday there will be girls and women whose name will no longer mean the mere opposite of the male, but something in itself, something that makes one think not of any complement and limit, but only life and reality: the female human being.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Most of my pregnancy I’ve thought you were a boy. I dreamt you were a boy, I pictured you as a boy…but always there in the back of my mind I wondered if I would be privileged enough to parent a girl. The thought terrified me. It still does.

Because baby, it’s a complicated world for anyone to live in these days, but especially for girls. Am I strong enough, healthy enough, smart enough to help you maneuver it?

You’re coming into a world that will constantly be telling you that your body is a commodity to be sold, that you have to fit certain molds and that if you don’t, you’re somehow less beautiful. There are some people here who will think it’s ok to hurt you just because you’re a girl and the statistics that show the likelihood you will face this are horrifying. You’re going to work as hard and be as smart as the boys you know and some days, the world will tell you it still isn’t enough.

But baby, you’re going to shine anyways. God has already planted inside of you all the strength and grace you will so desperately need in this life. And you’re not without example. Women who have made history because they in some way stood up for what is true and against the voices that tried to silence them.

Women like Anne Braden, who refused to be silent in the face of the racial hatred.

“What you win in the immediate battles is little compared to the effort you put into it but if you see that as a part of this total movement to build a new world, you know what could be. You do have a choice. You don’t have to be a part of the world of the lynchers. You can join the other America. There is another America!” – Anne Braden

Or Jane Addams who could have chosen a life of comfort and luxury but instead set an example of solidarity with the poor by choosing to call them neighbors and friends instead of merely statistics. Her work is part of the reason your mommy has a degree in social work today.

“True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice.”
― Jane Addams

Or spunky Sojourner Truth who wasn’t just told she was less than because of her gender but also because of her skin color. She refused to believe those lies, and so must you.

“If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down, these women together ought to be able to turn it right again.”
― Sojourner Truth

Margaret Bourke White refused to accept that she was somehow less capable simply because she was a woman. Instead her photography graced the cover of the first issue of LIFE magazine. She shone baby.

The world was waiting to be full of discovery made…(as a photographer) I could share the things I saw and learned….you would react to something all others might walk by. – Margaret Bourke-White

These women chose to see the world through a different lens. They weren’t perfect, but they stood tall. This is my prayer for you.

So your daddy and I, we wanted you to have a name that stood for something. That would remind you to be brave in a world that will make you feel small. We chose Emerson. It means brave, powerful. Because you are.

And baby, you might be loosening my ligaments but you’re reinforcing my backbone. You remind me to find my strength every day. Because whatever I believe can be true for you, must be true for me as well. I must walk in it so that you can see it.

And even though your daddy and I believe you can grow up to be anything you dream of and we will always remind you of this, we will never put prestige before the dream God has for you. Because that’s where the real freedom is. If He calls you to be a doctor or a scientist we will be supporting you the whole way. And if He wants you to be a stay at home foster mommy, you’re going to rock it and we’re going to be your loudest cheerleaders.

Maybe God doesn’t need to take deep breaths but He breathes powerful life nonetheless. He calls it from the deep corners of earth. He sees this broken world and the way the fires of the life He gave us are quenched in us but His reality is different. And He sees you differently and He has already called you to be someone who commands life into a broken world despite all the voices to the contrary.

So baby, Emmy, here’s to you little girl. Here’s to you and the way you’re going to shine and stand tall in a world set against you. Here’s to the way you’re going to dance with all your might. Because Emmy, you’re mighty and I’m not going to let you forget it.

Spaghetti squash

I am: 22 weeks. I missed a few posts there….

You are: approximately 11 inches long or the size of a spaghetti squash.
I feel: totally over this head cold! Do you feel me sneezing all the time and wonder what’s up?

I crave: mint chocolate chip ice cream. There’s been some other random moments like fried chicken and angel food cake. Commercials for food after 9pm are the devil.

Your dad: says you will have to come out loving animals after Maddie, Will and John all tried to snuggle on top of you last night. This morning he was whispering to you while I woke up. He was telling you he can’t wait to teach you how to work on things with him and wishes he could now but he understands that you need to get a little bit bigger first.

Looking forward to: daddy being able to feel you practicing mixed martial arts in my tummy. So far you stop whenever I try to get him to feel!


I am: 20 weeks.

You are: 10 inches from head to heel. Apparently at 20 weeks your legs start counting…. Which makes you about the length of a banana.

I feel: exhausted. No matter how much I sleep. I have almost fallen asleep eating and sitting at my desk at work.

I crave: water. I can’t drink enough. I grab a bottle and next thing I know it’s all gone and I don’t even remember drinking it.

Your dad: calls you his little bubby and is working on your room!

Looking forward to: Giving a gender reveal another shot this week…maybe you could cooperate, just this once?